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Compliments on appearance are easy to make and they don’t lead to validating the whole little person. I have twin girls that are about to turn four years old. My sister-in-law shared an important thought with me when our daughters, who are only 6 months apart, were very young.She said that she didn’t want her daughter to think that fixing her hair/painted fingernails/ jewelry or anything else MADE her beautiful, she wanted her to feel beautiful no matter what.As a parent, we could help by introducing our child by name and an interest.For example, “This is Amelia and she loves drawing different animals and plants.” or “This is Nikita and she loves doing puzzles.” This would then prompt the person to delve deeper or provide a general comment about the particular interest, rather than appearance which is an easy default. It reinforces to our child(ren) that we recognize and honor their interest as well as encourages the adult (or kid for that matter) to engage them.

does not make them beautiful, because they are beautiful no matter what.

I don’t remember doing that when I was a young girl.

But certainly by the time I was 12 I was worried I was fat.

But I appreciate the message here, and I hope to integrate this more deeply into our lives daily. Reply I want reply to what you said because I think there is a nuance here that is important.

I appreciate what you are saying that your twin girls are beautiful, without adornment like nail polish or accessories.

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